I used to think people skills were something you were born with or not.
Then something happened in my life that made everything I knew insufficient, and I went looking for answers in books recommended here and there, among them How to Win Friends and Influence People. In it I found something that changed my life: people skills can be learned and practiced, and they shape your quality of life in ways I never would have imagined. That discovery mattered enough that I wrote this post. It is my way of passing on that there are ideas, thoughts, and lessons beyond what we assume.
Some lessons I applied more than others. These are the ones that changed my life:
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Smiling
It seems simple and insignificant, but most of us overlook its real power. A smile is an invitation to start a conversation and, on top of that, a factory for smiles coming back.
Life is full of colors and shades we miss when we don’t smile. By smiling more, aware of what it does, I began to live in a kinder, friendlier world.
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Memorizing names
Like the previous one, it seems insignificant: so much so that it doesn’t seem worth the energy and effort it costs to remember the name of someone you just met.
Since I started doing it, I noticed something: I picked up the habit of asking for a name before an interaction, or very early once one had started. I used to end conversations with strangers without ever learning their name; since making that commitment to myself, that became less and less frequent.
People smile involuntarily when they notice I remembered their name. I describe it this way: remembering a name is a compliment that bypasses reason, flowers that are impossible to refuse; it goes straight to the heart and the will.
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Not complaining or criticizing
Freeing myself from complaint gave me more time to be creative and solve problems, and made it easier to be optimistic. I have a very simple rule about complaining: I will never complain about something I am not willing to change. A complaint has to come with an action; otherwise, it is a waste of time and energy.
Avoiding criticism, or using it more wisely, let me take better care of my relationships. I learned to be more aware of what comes out of my mouth and to identify more precisely the effect of my words on others. I found that unchecked criticism, sometimes innocent, was eroding my bonds.
What happened to me was a breakup. A very painful one, that pushed me into this new world, one that is kinder, friendlier, and full of colors and shades.
I heard somewhere that books are mirrors: they reflect the reader’s worldview. That is why I believe each person who reads this book will be moved by different lessons. But from the perspective of someone who had grown bored with the results of an unsatisfying life, the right thoughts and ideas are the ones that build a good life, one you are excited to live.